Costly decisions

Two summers ago, the kids and I were spending two weeks sandwiched between wedding events in Illinois while my husband worked and attended class in Pennsylvania. On one of those days, our son, who was not yet 2, had a miserable ear infection, we suspected. So, we took him to an urgent care clinic where he was poked in the ear, and gagged in the throat (checking for strep) and eventually diagnosed with an ear infection. Medicine prescribed and we were on our way.

At the time, we had low-income insurance for our kids in Pennsylvania, which pays for doctors’ visits and prescriptions. I had no idea what an urgent care visit would cost, but we had to do something.

A few months later, we got the bill. Yikes! It took us a few months to pay it and reminded me that decisions, even good ones, seldom happen without a cost.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot the last few days. My husband and I are college-educated and essentially unemployed. We’re job hunting without much success. We’re raising two passionate, stubborn, creative kids. We’re hundreds of miles from family. We’re sure of the next step, until we’re not. We’re hoping. And doubting. And waiting. And searching. And trying to explain what’s on our hearts.

I read these words from Oswald Chambers (Mary DeMuth quoted him in her new book Everything: What you give and what you gain to become like Jesus, which I will review here in a couple of weeks) and they say everything, encouraging me to press on with this unpredictable journey.

If we obey God it is going to cost other people more than it costs us, and that is where the sting comes in. We can disobey God if we choose, and it will bring immediate relief to the situation, but shall be a grief to our Lord. Whereas if we obey God, He will look after those who have been pressed into the consequences of our obedience. We have simply to obey and leave all consequences with Him.

Moving to Pennsylvania has been hard on our family and extended family. But it has been the best thing for our growth. Seminary was the hardest four years of our lives. But it has planted seeds in our hearts that have yet to show their fruit. Having two kids less than two years apart has been nothing short of insanity. And even though I want to escape some days, I wouldn’t trade away the lessons we’ve learned or the little people who have invaded our hearts and our lives.

Life doesn’t always make sense. It’s not making sense to us right now. But we know what we know. And we know what we’re supposed to do. We just don’t yet know the “how” of all of it.

These decisions, these steps of faith, they’ve not been made lightly. They’ve cost us plenty. But if we hadn’t taken them, we’d have lost so much more.

Please, pray for us. And with us.

We have counted the cost and found obedience to Christ worth everything, even the loss of all we know.

Now we count on Him to carry us.


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