Where I confess my sins and begin again

I went running this morning.

Not earth-shattering, headline-making news, but for me, it was significant.

Four months ago, my mom bought me a new pair of running shoes because I asked her to and because the desire was in me to pick up a habit I’d neglected for too long.

And for four months, I’ve made excuses.

Too cold. Too dark. Husband’s new schedule. I’m sick. Too tired. Too many other more important things.

Today, my husband had the day off. And my pants have been fitting too tight. And I ate some delicious food this weekend, and too much of it, so I had fewer excuses.

I’m not sorry I ate the food or that I prioritize other things.

But I am sorry that I have broken a promise.

A promise I made on this blog and then slowly let slip out of my “important” pile.

Less than three years ago, I took up running, training to run a 5K (my first ever) with my husband. And I found out I liked it. I didn’t lose a ton of weight by doing it, but I felt good. I had more energy, and my body was in better shape than it had been.

So when the 5K was over, I kept running occasionally, not as often as when we were training. And I had this idea. I would pay better attention to what I ate. I would exercise. And when the pounds dropped off, I would donate money to a worthy cause. I gave myself six months.

And I failed miserably.

Now, almost a year and a half later, I haven’t lost as much weight as I’d hoped and I haven’t given any money to that worthy cause.

And I could spend a lot of time beating myself up about that or I could do what I did today.

Lace up the shoes.

Stretch out the legs.

And start over. In the rain, no less.

But in a way, I was grateful for the rain as I completed day 1 of the Couch-to-5K plan.

Because starting something good won’t always wait for the right conditions.

Sometimes you have to splash in the puddles and be drenched in the downpour on the way to your goal.

I won’t lie: I didn’t feel great when I finished.

My body ached. I wanted to go back to bed. I was soaked. And all day I’ve felt reminders of what I did in my calves and hips.

But the pain will pass.

And discipline is always hard. Training your body–or your mind or your spirit, for that matter–to do something it doesn’t normally do is hard and takes work and perseverance.

But it is worth it.

I can’t make any promises this time. I won’t tell you that in six months I hope to give $100 to women and children in Liberia or that I’ll be running a half-marathon by the fall.

All I know is today, I ran.

And I will run again.

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Have a ball doing laundry: review of Woolzies Dryer Balls

This is a bit of a departure for me, reviewing a product that isn’t a book, but I couldn’t pass up the chance to try and then review Woolzies Dryer Balls.

When the box came in the mail, I actually found an excuse to do laundry because I couldn’t wait to test these out. I was almost giddy with excitement. Over the past year, I’ve been slowly greening my laundry habits. Last summer, I washed clothes only when I was sure the sun would shine for most of the day so I could hang them out to dry, and I switched from liquid fabric softener to vinegar. This winter, though, I continued using dryer sheets, something I don’t really think much about, but as I’m learning more about environmental hazards to our bodies, I’m rethinking the products in my house.

So, when an alternative presented itself, I couldn’t resist.

What’s great about these dryer balls?

Well, for starters, they’re 100 percent wool. No chemicals. No dyes. Just hand-spun New Zealand wool.

Second, they’re guaranteed for 1,000 loads of laundry. I don’t even want to keep track of how many days/weeks/months/years that is.

Third, if you buy a box for $34.95, you’re spending like 3 cents per load to dry your clothes and you don’t have to feel guilty about what’s rubbing off on your clothes.

Fourth, my clothes are drying faster. The first load I tested with these, I set the dryer for 50 minutes for a load that would usually take 70 minutes or more. When I pulled the clothes out and they were dry, I declared to my husband: “We are never buying anything else ever again.” I set a load for 40 minutes to see just how low I could go, but that didn’t quite get them dry. I’m averaging 50-60 minutes per load depending on what’s in there, but never more than 70 minutes, which was the minimum for most of our loads before the Woolzies entered our life.

Fifth, you can juggle them. Okay, not really, but they are fun to look at. I sometimes have to dig around in the basket for them, but as long as I see six of them in the dryer when I’m done, I’m a happy launderer.

Are there drawbacks? Sometimes our clothes have a little static in them, but not enough to complain or stop using them.

Seriously, the dryer balls are the best part of doing laundry for me right now.

But you don’t have to take my word for it.

Woolzies wants to give you a free box, too!

Here’s how you can win:

Leave a comment on this blog and tell me why you’d want to try Woolzies Dryer Balls. That’ll get you one entry.

“Like” Woolzies Dryer Balls on Facebook (and let me know) and you’ll get another entry.

Follow Woolzies on Twitter (again let me know you did) and you’ll get another entry.

Share about this giveaway (Facebook, Twitter, e-mail, whatever and tell me you did) and you’ll get another entry. Click to Tweet.

Four chances to win. I’ll close the contest on Sunday, March 10, and pick a winner in the evening. If you win, I’ll need your mailing address to pass along to Woolzies, who will send you your prize. Sound like fun?

It’s a ball!

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Pray with us

In lieu of the usual Saturday smiles post, I’m asking you to pray for this family.

My uncle Lewie was critically injured in a motorcycle accident on Thursday. His body is fighting to recover. His family is waiting for news. In the meantime, their youngest daughter, Abby (the one in the middle) is on dialysis and waiting for a kidney.

Hold them in prayer.

Updates are here.

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Learning to love your body, no matter the size

Today, I’m pleased to feature another guest post. While Monday’s post challenged us to look around at our world for opportunities to help those in need, today’s post challenges us, especially women, to look at ourselves the way God sees us — no matter our perceived imperfections. Teasi Cannon has struggled with weight issues and self-esteem issues. She’s not what the world would call a perfect 10 but she’s learned that in God’s eyes, she is just as she should be and she can be thankful in all things, even for a big bottom.

I’m not making that last part up. She’s so secure in her standing with God, she wrote a book and called it My Big Bottom Blessing. This book is a joy from start to finish. Teasi’s story will make you laugh and cry and hurt in all the right ways. She is refreshingly honest about body image, diets and self-worth, and she’s passionate about the God who can silence the lies of self and society. At the end of each chapter, Teasi includes questions for self-reflection.  I’m eager to revisit the journaling sections to discover the roots of my own body image issues and how God can speak into those.

Read on and hear from Teasi herself, and check out a sample chapter from the book.

Also find out how you can win a copy!

Now, without further delay, here’s Teasi!

Thankful for a Big Rear
by Teasi Cannon

One day not long ago I was sweeping my kitchen floor in the near trance-like state of La La Land, when I was jolted to my senses by the precious voice of my 4-year-old nephew saying, “Aunt Teasi, you have a vahwee (very) big butt.” 

I set my broom aside, smoothed my shirt, and calmly turned to face him.  Bright-eyed and curly-haired, he stood – completely oblivious to the fact that he had said the words no woman ever wants to hear.  And then I let him have it.  I bent down, coming only inches away from his little round face, and said, “Why…thank you!”  Then I smiled big, stood to grab my broom, and returned unscathed to the task at hand.

A few years ago those innocently spoken words would have completely obliterated me, and rather than a thank you, might have actually incited an immature come-back such as: “Oh, yeah?  Well, you’re short and you talk funny.”

But now, to the glory of God, moments like that are reminders to me that the miraculous has happened: I no longer hate my body (especially my back side); in fact, it has become one of the biggest blessings in my life.

Like most women (really every woman I’ve ever met), I lived years literally disgusted with what I saw in the mirror.  The territory between my ears felt like nothing short of a war zone, with battles being fought everywhere: the bathroom, the grocery store, the bedroom, even church.  I could never silence the ambush-ready community of inner critics (those hurtful thoughts we all think) that called my head home.  And I missed out on so much: parties I refused to attend because my pants were too tight, dates with my husband because of a few gained pounds, quality time with my kids.  I know I’m not alone in this.

We women have been lied to for years.  We’ve been told that our value – our very right to be seen and celebrated – is determined by our waist-to-hip ratio or the proportions of our facial features, and that’s just not true.  Our value is determined by the only One who really knows it: our God.

After hitting my head hard on the floor of my personal pit of despair, I slowly began my journey toward believing that.  One inch at a time of healing, truth, and righteous anger led me to a life-saving realization: All those years I was desperate to change how I looked, God was desperate to change how I see.  And He did.

Truth is, if God can make a prostitute the great-grandmother of the Messiah, turn water into wine, and make blind men see; don’t you think He can turn a big bottom – or a big nose – or bird-thin legs – or whatever it is you hate – into a blessing.  He did it for me, and I’m so ridiculously happy about the journey that I wrote a book about it.

———————-

TO READ A SAMPLE CHAPTER, click here.

WANT TO WIN YOUR OWN COPY? Leave me a comment here on the blog about why you’d like to read this book. I’ll announce the winner next Wednesday. For EXTRA chances to win, share this giveaway on Facebook or Twitter (and leave another comment here that you did that for up to two more extra entries), follow me on Twitter (and leave a comment that you did/do for another entry) and/or subscribe to or follow this blog (one total entry). So, that’s up five chances to win a great book!

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In exchange for this blog post, I received a free copy of the book.

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Asking the right question

I’m not often able to watch daytime television, but in recent weeks, my husband has occasionally tuned in to ABC’s “The Chew” to cultivate his “bromance” with Michael Symon. One afternoon, I caught a preview for a new show called “The Revolution.” The show brings together a team of experts in areas of design, fashion, health, fitness and therapy to help people transform their lives “from the inside out,” according to the Web site.

It was the “t” word that first caught my attention. Transformation.

So, I tuned in to the debut episode and was surprised to hear host Ty Pennington use this word repeatedly. He even referred to the team of experts as a “community.”

Transformation. Inside out change. Community.

Those words sounded familiar. I’ve heard them in church from time to time. But here, on TV, was a model for what the church could be doing to live out its mission in the world.

“The Revolution” is not the only show of its kind. Pennington’s previous show “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” contained these elements. TLC’s “What Not to Wear” offers people a change in how they see themselves by showing them how to dress to accentuate their beauty. “The Biggest Loser” gives severely overweight people the tools and opportunity to literally lose half of themselves.

Changing people’s lives seems a popular idea these days, especially on television. I’m not saying the church has to be popular, but I have to wonder what causes people to allow their lives to be changed. It involves three steps.

1. We have to know there’s a problem. I think, whether we admit it or not, we all know an area of lives we’d like to change. And there are lots of reasons we don’t. Maybe we’re embarrassed to admit it. Or we don’t know how to make the change happen. Or we’re afraid of the work it will take. Or we think we don’t have time.
2. We have to be willing to ask for help. Most of these programs solicit nominations or applications to be on the show, so the person or a friend has to make the need known.
3. We have to be willing to receive help. People trust the advice these “experts” have to give because they’ve seen the results on other shows or they’ve read their credentials. Those who want to give help have to prove, in some way, that they have the expertise to do so.

I’m reminded of a story in the Bible, recorded by the apostle John, when Jesus encounters a man who had been an invalid for 38 years (John 5). The man was lying near a pool that was said to have healing properties when the waters were stirred. By lying there, he had admitted his need.

Jesus’ question to the man has always puzzled me, though. He asks him, “Do you want to get well?” I’ve thought that’s a dumb question because the guy has been this way for 38 years. Isn’t the answer obvious?

But the man’s answer is equally puzzling. He doesn’t come right out and say, “Of course I want to get well!” Instead, he offers reasons why he isn’t already better. “I have no one to help me.” And, “someone else goes down ahead of me.”

Jesus, because he has the authority to do so, heals the man, and his life is changed.

I’m wondering why people don’t seem to be interested in the inside-out transformation the church has to offer. Because Jesus is still in the business of changing lives.

Maybe the changes in our lives aren’t obvious. I know it’s not always easy for me to admit, “yeah, I’ve got problems but this is how Jesus helps,” or to say, “you know, my life used to be like that but then I let God in.” It’s so much easier to pretend that we’re OK and we’ve always been that way. As if God somehow created a group of people who are immune to everyone else’s problems.

Maybe we ask the wrong questions. We ask what people need, if they’d like to come to church, if they know about Jesus, but how often do we ask, “Do you want to get well?”

Can you imagine a community of transformed people getting together regularly to celebrate the changes in their lives and the One who made it possible, offering themselves, their expertise and their experiences to people looking for a change in their lives?

It would be a revolution of its own kind.

Jesus isn’t going to give you $5,000 to spend on clothes in New York but He will clothe you with character qualities like kindness, compassion, gentleness and humility.

Jesus isn’t going to make you super fit, but He will exercise your faith.

Jesus isn’t going to give you a new house but He will prepare a place for you to live eternally.

He will give you a new heart. A new life. A new purpose. He will do all things for your good, even when it doesn’t make you “happy.”

Transformation is big entertainment business, it would seem. The church has the chance to make it her business again, too.

That’s my cup of tea for today. What’s got you wondering?

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My cup of tea: A 3-step losing game plan

Oh, the holidays. Cookies. Candy. Comfort food.

I knew that starting a weight loss plan in early December might have been a mistake. My husband had papers to finish for finals week. We packed to go home for a couple of weeks, then went home for a couple of weeks. And ate and ate and ate.

The few weeks I dared step on the scale after restarting my personal weight loss challenge, I had no good news to report. Small gains, in weight that is, each week. This must be what it’s like to get older and just watch the pounds pack on. I feel like a llama trudging up a mountain with supplies strapped to my sides. Or a pack mule. I’m packing on extra pounds, and I almost feel helpless and powerless to stop it.

But I’m not.

And thanks to a few tools at my disposal, I have a 3-step plan for the new year.

One of my Christmas gifts was a Wii with a Zumba Fitness game. A couple of months ago, I attended a Zumba party at a friend’s house and loved it! Now, I can have my own Zumba workout in my living room at 5 a.m., hopefully before anyone else in the house is awake. This is a huge boost to my intention to lose weight.

I also plan to read this book. It’s been on my Kindle for months. Exercise, and lack of it, is only part of my battle. Another part is food. I love food. Cooking it, baking it, serving it, eating it. Food, itself, is not bad. But my relationship with it is not right. So, I look forward to any insights this author has to offer. I’m also going to use a 21-day devotional that goes along with a book called “Made to Crave” by Lysa Terkhurst. To put food in its proper place in my life, I have to put God in His proper place. I’m hoping to do that through this devotional. And maybe the full book later on.

Thirdly, I’m finding strength in numbers. My husband is on board and is helping me make healthier eating choices. He is my in-house accountability. My mom is also on a weight-loss journey and we’re planning to check in with each other about our weight, our eating habits and exercise choices. Support is essential to success when attempting something difficult.

So, there it is, for all to see. My 3-step plan for weight loss this year. I’m hopeful, and a little desperate.

I know I’m not alone in these struggles, and I hope to maintain balance. I don’t want to focus on food so much that it controls me in the opposite direction.

Health. Fitting into my clothes. Feeling good about myself when I look in the mirror. These are my goals.

I’ll never be a size 6 or 8 or whatever the “ideal” is. But I know that where I am now is not where I want to be.

Want to join the journey? E-mail me or comment on this post. I’ll pray for you and support you in good times and bad.

Let’s do this, together, shall we?

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Beginning again

Five months ago, I made a promise. I pledged to donate money for every pound I lost by the end of the year. Others joined the pledge, either with donations or support or a weight loss pledge of their own.

I’m here to tell you that I’ve failed. But that’s not the end of the story.

Since I made that promise, I overate at church camp. I let my workouts slide while we visited family in Illinois two different times. I ate “comfort food” after our basement flooded and I didn’t want to deal with the reality of clean-up and loss. And I took the month of November to write a novel.

So I find myself here, the 1st of December, having made negative progress, closer to 200 pounds than I’ve ever been when not pregnant or just having had a baby. Yet I’m resolved to not give up.

I restarted my twice-a-week 5 a.m. workouts this morning. And even though Christmas is coming, and sweets and goodies abound, I’m determined to keep it under control.

Can I just say what I’m thinking?

I DON’T WANT TO BE FAT!

There. That’s my fear. I see the misery in the faces of Biggest Loser contestants and I know that not much separates me from the downward spiral they’ve experienced.

Maybe that’s too dramatic. Or maybe it’s realistic. I just know that I’m not getting any younger and losing weight isn’t going to get any easier.

So.

I’m restarting my quest to lose weight and raise money for widows and orphans in Liberia. And I’m extending my deadline to March, at least.

“What we call failure is not the falling down but the staying down.” — Mary Pickford, actress. (Also similar to a Chinese proverb.)

I have fallen. But I will get up.

I will check in monthly, here, with my progress.

Stay tuned.

And help inspire me.

How do you keep your weight loss goals?

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No, really. There are starving children in Africa.

I don’t know if my parents ever said those words to me over the dinner table. If my current eating habits are any indication, I seriously doubt I ever failed to clean my plate.

My parents weren’t really the guilt-trip kind, either. And now that I think about it, forcing your kids to eat everything on their plate because “there are starving children in Africa” is some messed up logic.

When I read something like this about what’s happening to children in Somalia, my heart breaks. And my first inclination is not to eat everything in sight but to actually eat less. That’s the whole point of this challenge. But I feel like I’m failing.

We, Americans, are nothing if not gluttons. My personal recent examples: Popcorn at the movies. Pizza and fried pickles afterwards for supper. No-bake cookies on a night when I just HAD to have chocolate. A refrigerator so full of food we had to invite people over to help us eat just so we didn’t have to throw stuff out before we head to Illinois for two weeks. We have so many choices we can eat whatever we want. And even when my kids refuse a meal, I know they won’t die of starvation.

Heavy thoughts. Pun, sort of intended.

Weight update for the week: I gained 2 pounds. Since I began this challenge, I have GAINED 4 and a half pounds. Not what I thought was going to happen.

A high point from the week: Even though I didn’t make it to the gym at all, hubby and I cleaned the house from top to bottom over three mornings. Housework equals burning calories, even if I was not as faithful with my eating habits.

Another high point: While out with a friend on Tuesday, I ordered an avocado turkey burger with roasted spaghetti squash and a salad. And I wanted it because it sounded good, not just because I felt the need to watch my calories. Later, we went to Dairy Queen and I ordered a mini Blizzard instead of larger size. It was just enough to satisfy my taste buds.

I know I can make good decisions. Now, to follow through. My husband and I are planning to train again for the 5K we ran last year. Running 3 times a week for 9 weeks will help. So will accountability. I’m thinking about starting a food journal to raise my awareness of what actually goes into my mouth in a day. Has anyone had any success with this? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Pray for me, also. I feel like I’m failing the Liberian women and children I vowed to help. Discouragement is a nasty enemy, and with your help, I will fight it.

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Great ex-temptations

I’d love to tell you that week 2 was a great success, a triumphant victory, a jumpstart to the My Loss Their Gain campaign.

Not so.

I spent the week at Rock River Bible Camp, one of my favorite places on earth, counseling at a camp for high schoolers. I had the best of intentions to start the week, and actually, I didn’t do too bad. I skipped the chips at the first meal, chose a Rice Krispies treat over a brownie for dessert and ate a 100-calorie fudge bar during snack bar duty instead of one of the dozen or so candy bars that stared me in the face. The next day, I woke up early and ran a mile, then ate two bowls of Honey Nut Cheerios and some fruit for breakfast.

That’s when the week took a turn, both for the better and the worse. By breakfast, we’d lost power and as the day dragged on, it looked like we weren’t going to get it back anytime soon. The kitchen staff got creative with meals. We used buckets of river water to flush the toilets. We improvised chapel times to use the most daylight we could. By day’s end, we had enough generators to power some of the camp, but not all of it. So, we had showers, but no hot water. And no fans for sleeping at night.

It was a great experience for this challenge, in light (pun intended) of the electricity availability in Liberia, which I’ve heard is unpredictable at best. Some of the kids complained about the circumstances, which reminded me again of how little we know and think of the rest of the world.

While at camp, I also began reading “Rich Christians in an Age of Hunger,” a book published the year I was born. Even though its statistics are outdated, its arguments, so far, are compelling. I was particularly struck by this quote from the book, especially on our day without electricity. It’s a quote from another book, “An Inquiry into the Human Prospect” by Robert Heilbroner.

“The world is like an immense train, in which a few passengers, mainly in the advanced capitalist world, ride in first-class coaches, in conditions of comfort unimaginable to the enormously greater numbers crammed into the cattle cars that make up the bulk of the train’s carriages.”

We should have been grateful that we had water, even if it was cold, and that our situation had a forseeable end.

No power meant the ice cream bars in the snack bar freezer were fair game, so we hawked them like a ballpark food vendor. I ate two ice cream bars myself. I’m not proud of that. Over the next couple of days, I ate dessert at both meals, something I had hoped to avoid. Camp food is delicious and abundant and I am sometimes weak.

Tuesday, our electricity was back. I avoided the nacho cheese on taco day and didn’t eat an afternoon snack, but the desserts were again part of my diet and I had popcorn that night.

Wednesday morning I ran 1.6 miles and skipped lunch because my family came to visit.

My notes for the rest of the week only get worse. Desserts, candy bars, second helpings of monkey bread, garlic bread and lasagna. Add to it all small amounts of sleep and massive amounts of coffee and I think, diet wise, this week was a total disaster. Since I’m not at home, I’m not going to weigh myself this week to see the damage because I like the scale to be a controlled factor.

Here’s what I learned, though:

The Bible says, “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” — 1 Corinthians 10:13.

I was faced with major temptation for food this week. God provided ways out, but I didn’t take them. I knew going in that I would be tempted to overeat, but I didn’t take steps to protect myself from it. I will have a better plan next time.

This week, I face similar challenges. When I’m not in control of the food that’s available for lunch or dinner, I have a hard time eating healthily and in proper portions. It’s also supposed to be scorching hot and I have a lot of places to be and things to do this week that probably won’t allow for much exercise.

I had hoped to give you hope that I’m starting on the right foot.

The journey continues.

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Putting money where my mouth is

It’s time for a change.

I’ve been stuck in a rut for a couple of months now, weight-loss wise, and this weekend I found myself back to square one. Any weight I’ve lost in the last year is back on my body, and I’m supremely frustrated and ticked off at myself.

Sometimes, it’s a matter of not getting to the gym often enough and being too sedentary. Summer, after all, is not my ideal time to be outside in the heat and humidity. But that shouldn’t stop me.

© Jay Crihfield | Dreamstime.com

The bigger issue than exercise — because I actually like to exercise — is food, which I also like. Too much.

I have little to no control over how much I eat. Or, more accurately, I don’t exercise control over how much I eat.

Late-night snack craving? How ’bout some ice cream followed by some chips?

Kids making me crazy? I’ll just pop some chocolate in my mouth and everything will be fine.

I’m not extremely disciplined for my own sake, so while wondering how I might change this set of circumstances, I was presented with a reality that I cannot ignore.

Photo taken by Lalrosiem Songate, general director of the EC Church of India, on a visit to Liberia

It is this: Every 30 minutes, 1,000 people die from starvation. Probably that number is higher. I think the statistic might be outdated. Even so, while we sat in our Sunday School class yesterday, eating cheese puffs, cookies and bagels with cream cheese, people somewhere else in the world died because they don’t have enough food to eat. It was enough to make me want to vomit.

These two events have led me to a personal challenge, and I’m asking you to join me in some way over the next 6 months.

Here is the challenge:

Photos by Lalrosiem Songate. These are children in Liberia. I don't know if they are orphans, but they stir my heart.

For the next six months, I will pledge $5 for every pound I lose to help care for widows and orphans in Liberia through the EC Church’s micro-enterprise program. (Click here for more information. It’s No. 8 in the Giving Catalog.)

I will weigh in on Tuesday, July 5 to determine my official starting weight, and I will aim to post weekly about my journey, including what I learn about hunger and poverty in the process. You can follow the posts under the category “my loss their gain challenge.”

I’m making this public because I need accountability. I need your emotional support, and I need to hear your experiences with weight loss and overeating and, let’s face it, food addiction.

Beyond that, I’m asking you to take the journey with me. Do you have weight you want to lose but just can’t seem to take it off? Pick a cause close to your heart and make the same pledge. Or, if you want to live vicariously through me, make a pledge for my weight loss, too. At the end of the year, I’ll be making my donation based on the number of pounds I’ve lost. You can do the same at that time.

Excited. Nervous. Scared. Intimidated. Hopeful. I am these things and more.

And ready for a great adventure.

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